Wendy Nickerson Relationship Article

September 2004 Issue --> Relationship Article

Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

By: Wendy Nickerson

The loss of a relationship seems to be the life event that creates the most psychological and emotional pain for all of us. This indicates to me that a relationship is much more than an emotional and physical union. Since its ending seems to cut to the soul, it suggests that it is a spiritual merging as well. If this is the case, it seems logical to conclude that using Universal Laws and Principles of Thought around breakups would be very helpful in attempting to cope with the pain.

The Law of Abundance indicates that there is more than enough love to go around. I’m sure you have heard that often, “Oh, don’t cry! There are many fish in the sea!” It doesn’t seem to help though at the time. I don’t think this is how the Law of Abundance was meant to be applied. It certainly doesn’t take away the sense of loss. We can apply the Law of Abundance so that it has a more soulful impact upon us? Knowing that there is an abundance of love in this world does not mean that you should run right out and find a replacement. It may mean that there is an abundance of genuine love within yourself! Or, it may mean that you find love in other ways for awhile, like through a creative art, in animals, or through deepening friendships.

What about the abundance of power? So often we insist on being the victim after a break up. “But, he said that he loved me and promised never to hurt me.” And the likelihood is that that person actually meant it in that moment. Love is a frame of mind. When we combine it with sexual energy, we all say things that fit for that moment. However, moments change. Yet, each insists on blaming the other. Each insists on being the victim. When we insist on blaming the other person, we are sending negative energy out, only for it to return back to us. When actually, you don’t need to be a victim, and won’t be, if you recognize that “power” is not a scarce commodity.

Let’s apply the Law of Cause and Effect. Most people actually continue to ruminate and think about their ex-partner. The Law of Cause and Effect states that you get what you think about. Yet many people do not get their partner back! However, the energy from the ex-partner lingers on in your life for as long as you continue to constantly think about him. So often, we try to circumvent this problem by getting into another relationship right away. That helps us to stop thinking about the partner we are transitioning from. However, until the relationship is resolved on all levels, sexual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual, the ex’s “effects” travel with us daily, only on a more unconscious level. We will then recreate the same dynamics in the new relationship because that energy is really still all around us. There are no shortcuts!

On a spiritual level, we have relationships with people to learn major life lessons, ultimately bringing us closer to a purer form of being. The effect that the person had on your life will linger on until the lesson is recognized. Until that time, we are stuck, in the sense that we can’t go on to the next lesson of a higher form. So it makes good sense for everyone concerned to transition out of a relationship on a positive note. To put emotions aside as best you can, and take the high road and come from a place of love. Forgiveness provides freedom. It takes a tremendous amount of maturity, and consciousness to do this, though. But, those that do, go on to lead spiritually prosperous lives.

So if you are finding yourself brooding over a lost love, ask yourself, “What was my spirit supposed to learn from this experience?” This question will be the impetus for gained knowledge and insight into your life’s path and purpose. Try to take the high road and deal with the pain on a spiritual level. Your emotions are the human or ego part of you and they can be extremely difficult to transcend. But when you do, you will find that you live a more peaceful life. You are less likely to function from fear because you know that your spirit, the core of who you really are, will always be just fine! There is a place inside of you that can never be touched!

Dr. Wendy Nickerson, Psy.D., Licensed Psychologist and Personal Life Coach with Atlantic Coaching Enterprises (Florida) can be reached at WizeWendy@aol.com or by phone at 902-673-3049 (Nova Scotia residence).

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