1. Step out of yourself and listen to your partner. What is she/he really saying if you weren't already expecting the worst and waiting to defend yourself?
   
   Example: Your partner is upset that you've come home late and says, "Here we go again, you're late for dinner and you didn't even call me." Your first reaction is to defend yourself with excuses of why you're late. Instead, just listen to your partner…when we're busy talking, we don't really hear what our partner is trying to communicate. You may see that your partner is simply trying to tell you that she/he's hurt, and not that you're a bad person. By holding back your defenses and addressing your partner's upset, a conversation can ensue rather than a defensive arguing match. In this situation, apologizing for being late, listening, and seeing the situation from your partner's point of view would dramatically alter the dynamics of the situation.
2. Don't take everything your partner says PERSONALLY. In other words, don't just react impulsively from JUST your emotions. Let your head help you to think about the situation and what's been said, rather than assuming your partner is trying to hurt you. To help you NOT just react from emotions (taking a remark as a personal attack), try asking yourself these simple questions: How might I respond to my partner if I did not take what she/he is saying personally? What if what she/he is saying ISN'T about me? If this was true, would I hear her/him differently? Would I respond differently?
   
   Example: Your partner's had a hard day and has been unable to talk to anyone about it. Then you walk in and start talking about your day. All of a sudden your partner is angry that you never listen. If you take a minute to THINK about the situation, without immediately reacting, you may realize that your partner did have a hard day and needs to be HEARD, not necessarily that you NEVER listen. By not reacting to your own hurt, you might be able to be there for your partner…and then they're more likely to be there for you. Again, a potential argument could transform into an intimate conversation.
3. What if I didn't see my partner as my enemy? How would I respond if I still loved/liked my partner? How did I respond in the beginning of our relationship?

All data provided on this website is to be used for information purposes only. The information contained on this website and pages within, is not intended to provide specific legal, medical, financial or tax advice, or any other advice, whatsoever, for any individual or company and should not be relied upon in that regard. The services described on this website are only offered in jurisdictions where they may be legally offered. Information provided in our website is not all-inclusive, and is limited to information that is made available to and such information should not be relied upon as all-inclusive or accurate.