Sharon Rivkin Relationship Article

February 2010 Issue --> Relationship Article

Luck Won’t Make Your Marriage a Success: Four Benefits of Pre-Marital Counseling

By: Sharon Rivkin

We seem to prepare for everything in our life - jobs, exams, etc. Why then don't we prepare for a successful marriage? Maybe it's because of the fairy tales that have brainwashed us into thinking that we'll all live happily ever after? In reality, it doesn't work that way, as you may have noticed by now. 50 percent of marriages end in divorce…and only half of those that endure are truly happy in the long run.

According to Patricia and Gregory Kuhlman of Marriage Success Training, "research shows that there is a window of opportunity during the year before the wedding and the six months or so after when couples get the optimum benefit from marriage preparation. Later, under stress, negative habits and relationship patterns may become established and be much harder to resolve. If you just wing it and count on your luck and romantic attachment to make your marriage a success, your odds are only one in four."

How do you beat the odds and give your marriage a better chance of survival? Through pre-marital counseling and education. According to research, pre-marital counseling can reduce the risk of divorce by up to 30% and lead to a happier and healthier marriage. And the healthiest marriages are those where the couple can negotiate their differences. Why wait until you're married and have your first marital fight to see if you can negotiate? Why not prepare ahead of time with tools and skills?

Most couples naively think they don't need preparation. Maybe they haven't experienced relationship hardships and don't believe there will ever be problems. And if problems do pop up, they believe they will magically turn out okay. Remember the fantasy? Marriages don't work that way. They take a lot of hard work, thought, and skill. Love alone will not guarantee a successful marriage. Instead, discuss and resolve important issues before the big date to have a better chance for a healthy marriage, such as:

What are your expectations for a good marriage?

How compatible are you on day-to-day issues?

What personality-type are each of you and what are your families of origin like?

What are your communication skills? Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Do you have tools for conflict management? Can you negotiate? What do you do when conflict arises?

Do you have similar sex drives? What type of sex do you prefer?

Do you share long-term goals and similar values?

Then, get pre-marital counseling to learn the following tools:

Fair fighting. How to take time outs, call a truce, stop the shaming and blaming, and developing ground rules for fighting.

Keep your partner from becoming your enemy. When arguments build up, you cease giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. Therefore, resolve conflicts immediately so you can continue to love your partner and see them in a positive light.

Stay current. Address arguments as soon as they come up. Don't sweep issues under the rug. They won't go away. Resentment and anger build momentum whenever an issue isn't dealt with and resolved.

Don't count on luck to beat the divorce odds…and drop the fantasy. By discussing important issues and learning skills through pre-marital counseling, you'll be forming a solid foundation for a successful marriage.

About the Author:

"What's the big deal? All I said was . . ." Sound familiar? Argument/Affairs Expert and Therapist Sharon Rivkin helps couples fix their relationships by understanding why they fight. Sharon says, "If you don't get rid of the ghosts that haunt your arguments, you'll never stop fighting!" Read her new book, BREAKING THE ARGUMENT CYCLE: HOW TO STOP FIGHTING WITHOUT THERAPY, to learn the tools of therapy to break the cycle of destructive fighting. Sharon makes regular radio appearances nationwide and has been featured in O: The Oprah Magazine, Reader's Digest, Yahoo.com, Martha Stewart Living Radio, and Dr.Laura.com. For more information, visit http://www.sharonrivkin.com

All data provided on this website is to be used for information purposes only. The information contained on this website and pages within, is not intended to provide specific legal, medical, financial or tax advice, or any other advice, whatsoever, for any individual or company and should not be relied upon in that regard. The services described on this website are only offered in jurisdictions where they may be legally offered. Information provided in our website is not all-inclusive, and is limited to information that is made available to and such information should not be relied upon as all-inclusive or accurate.

Bookmark this page now...

Luck Won’t Make Your Marriage a Success:
Four Benefits of Pre-Marital Counseling by Sharon Rivkin

Stumble It!

Other Relationship articles enjoyed by our readers.

You've Got a Friend: How to Help a Friend in Need
by Susan LaScala, RN-C

Hobbies for Couples: How to End Solo Sport Resentment & Create a Lifetime Bond at the Same Time
by Kristie Macdonald

How I Turned My Mother-in-Law from my Worst Nightmare into My Best Friend!
by Sally Shields

Here's a Taste of What You'll Get With Your Subscription...

Each month you'll have access to a new issue of the online magazine that is full of fantastic resources and help from the experts that will give you motivational training, as well as the inspiration, and education that you need to Live the Story of Your Dreams!

Weekly doses of "feel good" and practical self-help tips with The Chronicles eZine…

Live Access to the Top Movers and Shakers in the world twice a month through the Real Life Legends Teleseminar Series...

It's all completely FREE and you can unsubscribe at any time!

	Click Here with questions or comments about this web site. © Copyright 2003-2010 . Healthy Wealthy nWise. All Rights Reserved. 205 W. Liberty St., Ste. 203, Charles Town, WV 25414 304.725.2502
Home \| Affiliates \| Current Issue \| Contact Us Privacy Policy \| Terms of Use \| Subscriber Agreement Questions & Tech Support