Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. Relationship Article

December 2003 Issue --> Relationship Article

12 Tips for Having a Great Relationship

By: Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

Great relationships are not made in heaven. They do NOT require a soul mate, do not need to end when you fall out of love, are not always exciting, and are not limited to a few lucky people.

Great relationships do require information, attention, time and commitment to the challenge of creating them.

After more than 30 years as a relationship coach and marriage counselor, studying, practicing and teaching relationship building, I wrote down the tips I repeatedly give my clients. Here is one useful tip from each section of my booklet, 124 Tips for Having a Great Relationship.

1. About Relationships

Expect the closeness and distance you experience with your partner to vary from hour to hour, day to day, and season to season. People experience enough closeness much as they experience enough food-any more leads to discomfort. We all have different capacities.

2. Communication

Say "Maybe" when you are not sure about something. Give a time when you will provide an answer and keep your commitment.

3. Difficult Communication

Speak in sentences or, at most, paragraphs instead of pages during a difficult conversation. Your partner will only remember the last sentence or two you say and forget the beginning of a long speech.

4. Play

Laugh together. Share the jokes or cartoons that make you grin, rent a funny video, or remember the stories about funny things (especially in retrospect) you've experienced together.

5. Tasks

Hire someone to do the chores you both hate-or do them together. Start by looking at the things that never seem to get done, probably because neither of you wants to do them.

6. Boundaries

Name the movie you would like to see, or the restaurant you like best, before you ask your partner's preference. That way you avoid being angry because your partner did not read your mind.

7. Money

Create shared financial goals. Be sure you discuss and agree on priorities. If one of you thinks your savings are for a great vacation and the other expects to use them to invest for financial independence, you are headed for trouble.

8. Special Occasions

Give gifts that your partner has indicated that s/he wants or needs instead of what you believe s/he wants or needs. You can give other gifts, too, but first paying attention to your partner avoids disappointment.

9. Separateness

Encourage your partner to grow and develop in his/her own way. This does not mean to chase your spouse around the house with a self-help book.

10. Togetherness

Expect major life changes to impact your relationship. Having a baby, losing a job, getting a new job, illness, death of a parent, retirement, etc., may create a need to renegotiate almost everything you thought was settled.

11. Care of Your Partner

Hug your partner frequently-not just when you want to get sexy. Touch is an important way that people use to know that they are loved.

12. Self Care

Do whatever makes you feel vibrant and alive, even if you need to do it alone. When you feel vibrant and alive, you are attractive to your partner and to others.

About the Author

Joyce Weiss shows leaders easy ways to boost the bottom line. Be Direct with Respect is a fresh approach to increase morale. She is the author of Full Speed Ahead: Become Driven by Change and Take the Ride of Your Life! Shift Gears for More Balance, Growth, and Joy Joyce has been quoted in USA TODAY, INC, Chicago Tribune, Selling Power, and other national magazines. Joyce can be reached at 1-800-713-1926, Joyce@Joyceweiss.com or www.Joyceweiss.com. Visit www.tipstobehappy.com for free weekly reports on easy ways to add humor and balance at work and home.

All data provided on this website is to be used for information purposes only. The information contained on this website and pages within, is not intended to provide specific legal, medical, financial or tax advice, or any other advice, whatsoever, for any individual or company and should not be relied upon in that regard. The services described on this website are only offered in jurisdictions where they may be legally offered. Information provided in our website is not all-inclusive, and is limited to information that is made available to and such information should not be relied upon as all-inclusive or accurate.

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