Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski Relationship Article

July 2004 Issue --> Relationship Article

Simple Rules of Love

By: Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski

DO

1. DO remember that your guy is not you. Besides being male, he was raised differently and has his own habits and preferences--that are as treasured and comfortable as yours are to you.

2. DO keep in mind that he wasn't put on earth to read your mind and bring you everything you desire. A relationship is a work in progress and to be successful it must continually be negotiated to benefit both of you.

3. DO open yourself to learn about his half of the complaint when conflicts erupt, which they will. Only by agreeing to find a resolution that suits both of you can your love flourish and become increasingly safe and trustworthy.

4. DO be generous in expressing your affection, desire, and joy in being with him each and every day--both verbally and physically.

5. DO remember that you chose to be with him and that the ways he is different provide you the spiritual inspiration to learn to love him even better.

6. And DO receive all of his loving, caring, helpful and romantic gestures even when they DON'T match your preconceived ideas about how intimacy should be. Take them in as acknowledgments of your value and allow yourself to be changed by love.

DON'T

7. DON'T believe that relationships come ready made. They are an art form, a community effort. They are the product of your joined discoveries, intentions, and willingness to follow where love takes you, or not.

8. DON'T fly into a rage just because he's done something that makes you angry. He is not your whipping boy. And since you claim to love him now is the time to practice that love as an act of respect for his feelings and find a way to express your unhappiness in a way that is still respectful of yourself and of your man.

9. DON'T compare him to your friends' husbands, your old boyfriend or, worse yet, your fantasy Mr. Perfect. If you DO he can only fail, because he can't be anyone but himself.

10. DON'T blame him if the relationship is not going the way you want. The two of you have been equal forces shaping what you have right from the very beginning. If you need to change something, let him know more about who you are and what you need.

11. DON'T pigeon hole him into "all men," otherwise you'll miss out on seeing him on his own terms and he is a one of a kind guy, no matter what he has in common with other men.

12. DON'T ever assume you know all there is know about him. Remain curious and learn more. Make it safe for him to reveal his fears, sadness, regrets--any tender and vulnerable feelings--by valuing the love and trust it takes for him to give you the gift of his inner life.

Husband-and-wife psychology team Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., are the bestselling authors of Be Loved for Who You Really Are as well as two other relationship books. They named their company The Magic of Differences because at the heart of their work is the message that embracing differences is the key to successful loving and living.

Their corporate trainings and relationship workshops demonstrate the groundbreaking personal and professional benefits available when people learn to respect and value the differences between them. As guest experts they've been on over 800 television and radio shows including Oprah, The O'Reilly Factor, 48 Hours, Canada AM, and The View.

Visit their website at www.themagicofdifferences.com

All data provided on this website is to be used for information purposes only. The information contained on this website and pages within, is not intended to provide specific legal, medical, financial or tax advice, or any other advice, whatsoever, for any individual or company and should not be relied upon in that regard. The services described on this website are only offered in jurisdictions where they may be legally offered. Information provided in our website is not all-inclusive, and is limited to information that is made available to and such information should not be relied upon as all-inclusive or accurate.

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